How to Survive 2009

1 01 2009
Credit Crunch

Credit Crunch



We’re moments from the New Year, and mind-melting money matters are lingering like an eggy fart in a lift. But instead of trying to figure out who squeezed out the ill-tasting satanic smell, RWD guide you through the best ways to make it to your floor without throwing up. Behold our guide to surviving the ‘Credit Crunch’… words by Danny WalkerYou may think we’re mad comparing this worldwide financially fierce time to a bottom belch, but think about it; the Credit Crunch stinks like sh*t and no-one knows which arse started it. Home buyers are looking at bankers for answers, bankers are looking at politicians and politicians are looking at pictures of underage boys on the Internet.


It’s true; there is a worldwide recession right now and in simple terms, this means everyone is watching the pennies/ cents/ goats (if you live in Bahrain, Venezuela or remote parts of Wales). The property market is slower than the queue at Argos, employees are losing their jobs and employers are going down faster than Lindsay Lohan. So if you’ve read about it, watched the detailed documentaries on CBeebies and witnessed your next door neighbour swap their kidneys for petrol, this could be your last chance to survive 2009…

Firstly, sort out your mobile phone bill/ credit…
If your monthly bills are higher than £33 or you’re buying more than £30 in credit each month, you need to re-evaluate your mobile telephone game. This is the crunch folks; do you really need to talk to those people? A phone conversation that lasts longer than, ‘Where are you?’, ‘How long are you running late?’ and ‘What are you wearing?’ is a conversation that should be had either face-to-face or text-to-text (depending on if she’s ugly or not).

Petrol prices are taking the p*ss…
Public transport or a garden hose, a 20 litre jerry can and a breath mint for afters is YOU!!!

Gym membership is a waste of… everything…
Remember 12 months ago when you looked in the mirror, saw a few bulges and instantly signed up for the gym? Well we’ve got news for you… it’s nearly 2009 and you’ve only been to the gym three times (and one of those was to bloody sign up in the first place). You’re shelling out more money per month on membership than you do on food, and worse of all the bulges are still there! In fact the bulges have got some new friends and every time you run for the bus they have a little party above your waistband. It doesn’t matter though cos we love you just the way you are. So if you wanna shed some pounds there are cheaper ways of doing it; try running up and down some stairs (stairs are still free. I think).





2 responses

2 01 2009

Mr Bashy,

I don’t know the best way to get you, so im leaving a message on your blog

We have the club banger (that you said you needed for 2009) for ya in our instrumental vault. Its got you name on it!!!!!

hit me up… or email me at: and i will get it across to you..


10 01 2009
Nicole 'Cherries TnT' Louis

lol that funny.. i particulalrly luv da gym.. i have good reasons for not going to the gym I’l hav u know :o/

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